I don't know why it took me this long to write this journal.
Actually.. that's a lie. I do know. And I hate that I know.
Ugh.. I'm not a good.. nevermind.Coward-Cowardice.
1. lack of courage in facing danger, pain, or difficulty
2. The state or quality of being without a backbone, hence, metaphorically, spinelessness; lack of strength of character
I'm a coward, and the worst fucking kind.
I've always thought of myself as someone who would act out when something wrong is happening.
Someone who would never stand idle while something bad is happening.
well, I saw something bad happening and I didn't do jack shit about it. I froze. Just froze and cried like a little child.
I could've said something or intervene, but I didn't.. I just stood there, crying, pathethic.
Let me start at the beginning.
I usually take Nina (My pug-pekingese) for an early walk on the days I don't have to work with Mom.
We live right infront of the sea so we usually go walk there.
Having the Ocean so close helps ease my anxiety and the negative thoughts. It's nice.
About two weeks ago we were halfway through our commune when we spotted a large figure laying close to the shore.
As we got closer we noticed it a dead Whale. Smelled awfull and it made me feel even worse. Not a very nice sight.
There was about 2 people taking photos of it with their cells but that was it.
We kept going, figured I couldn't do anything to help so we went on.
By the time we were coming back there was a large amount of people surrounding the animal, and even one of those yellow
vehicles that are used to pick things up.
We didn't even stop to look around, figured there was nothing to do so we went home for a shower and some breakfast.
The next week, we went walking like always, the weather was nice and everything went on as usual, only with one exception.
As we got closer to the end of the path, we spotted what appeared to be an amish man staring at something on the ground.
At first I couldn't make out what that thing was but I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was a seal.
When I realized that I stated walking faster. I had never seen a seal up close and in person (outside of seaworld).
And I have to admit a part of me was excited to see one soo close.
I didn't even know it was possible for a seal to be swiming in these areas, I always thought they liked colder tempteratures.
Just as we were few feet away and I got to take a good look at it, my stomach dropped. Nina kept pulling towards it, sniffing loudly.
The seal appeared to be ill and it's skin looked... bad, it's hard to describe.
But the thing that stuck with me the most was the look on it's eyes.
It had the saddest, most heartbreaking look. Up to this day I still can't forget those eyes. it stared at me so profoundly that I felt my heart wrinkle.
In part because it felt like it was asking for help, while oddly enough it also looked resigned. As if it somehow knew what was going to happen.
But something popped in my mind at that very moment, Penny, my Penny, whom passed away on 2013.
It had the same big black eyes that Penny had, only Penny's eyes were always happy and alive, even when he was very old.
I don't know how long I stood there staring at the seal while it stared back.
The amish man glared at us, and we started walking away, I got scared. I don't know why. I don't get it, but I got scared.
Wanted to get away, so we kept going forward and we left that spot. several steps later I looked back and I saw the man still looking at us.
We reached the end of the path and headed back, My mind was confused, crazy thoughts were flowing and I tried focusing on nice things.
We eventually got to the same spot where the seal was, except this time a whole bunch of amish people were there, this time older women were there as well.
but this time not just staring, this time they were pushing the animal, taunting it, making it angry, kicking it's tail.
It was making weird noises, and shaking violently. It's mouth was wide open.
I was paralyzed. They only stopped when they saw me. Like I mentioned earlier, I didn't do anything.
I couldn't move, I was stunned. "The children of God" taunting and playing with a dying Animal.
The only thing I did was grab Nina and walk away. some steps further tears started falling down my face.
The comune back home was...
When we got home I told mom and like a little child I rached for her arms.
I questioned my memory, my eyes, my mind and the fact that perhaps I had not gotten enough sleep. Maybe it was a mistake. It wasn't. these people did those things.
I was afraid to google about this until recently. I feared of what I would find.
And there was a good reason to fear.
call me childish, immature, and why not? Stupid. But it rips me knowing what people are capable of doing, that these type of people exist.
I don't know what there is to gain from making another living creature suffer, and I hope I never do.
And I hope none of you have to ever experience something like this, period.
For those of you who want to read about it, there are a couple of articles about it: frontera.info/EdicionEnLinea/N…
This is a photo of the incident.